I first posted this:
Maybe it's because I have all too vivid memories of sitting all alone in every single class. Of having to ask to be allowed to sit with people at lunch. Of basically being tollerated, but never accepted.
Sometimes just the idea of sitting with people, even if you weren't really part of the group, but the illusion that you were. That you weren't alone, is worth it. Because for those few moments that you're allowed to be with the group. You're not the lone outsider sitting at the side with a book, cause noone will volluntarily come sit with you.
See, I can understand all too well about pretending to like talking about boys, boys and more boys, if that's what interested the people I'm with. (hey I like guys, but I don't see them as a main topic of conversation, never did)
I can see being the one on the look out for the smokers, because it's better than being on your own with your lunch on a school outing. Even if like me, you totally despise smoking.
Cordy didn't become a fave char till Angel season one, but I still feel that I understand her. That sentiment, that it's better to be with a group of people who don't get you and never will, than it is to be on your own.
No, it's not acceptance, but believe me, the silence of loneliness is deafening and will definitely become intollerable. No matter how much you want to stay true to yourself.
Which of course received this answer ;-)
> I just read a lot of books*g*
Me too*g*, but when you end up reading eight books in a week, because it's all you get to do in your free time, several of which you finish on the playground at school, (and I do mean that I started reading over five books a week in elementary school alone) then after a while, you run out of decent reading material.
See, I like libraries, in libraries it's literally expected to take a book and quietly sit down with it while reading it. But the moment every single librarian knows your name and has to tell you it's closing time... then believe me, friends might start to seem like a nice alternative.