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This may sound stupid, but... When I was a kid, I had few or no… - Me myself and I
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liliaeth
liliaeth
This may sound stupid, but...

When I was a kid, I had few or no friends. I had some people who tolerated hanging around with me for a short while, but none that I'd call a best friend. When people talk about friends who are like family, like say on Buffy, where her friends became her family, I always felt a sense of loss, because I've never had that. Because with me, people have never become close enough to become a part of my family, a part of my foundation.

I've always had this thing where I easily start conversations, but when it comes down to it, people don't stick with me, and that's only gotten worse as I've grown older.

As of now, I have no contact whatsoever with anyone from school, I don't really talk to anyone who isn't family, whom I knew before I turned twenty. I'll occasionally meet my brothers or sister's friends, but there's always a sense of removal. As for post that, I talk, very rarely, to some people I used to work with on a day to day basis, but even that's rare, and I always have the feeling that I'm forcing my presence on them. Same with people I used to talk to every day on IM. When I don't stay in regular contact with someone, I just lose touch. It's not because I want to, but because I'm too shy to restart communications, and I keep having this feeling that these people would no longer want to talk to me. And I have this dreadful fear of boring people.

(ps, anyone on my f-list whom I've lost touch with, believe me, it's not because I don't want to talk to you guys, but that I don't want to be the annoying clingy person that refuses to let go)

As such, family has become more important to me than anything. Because family is more than just friends, more than just lovers...

I think it's why I'm so against incest, and why I don't feel that a romantic relationship is so much 'more' than a family one. Because in my life so far, they aren't.

Family are the ones who will always be there, it's a bond, beyond anything, and if you lose that bond... it tears a piece out of you that you may never get back.

For me, I love the bond between Sam and Dean too much, to water it down, by making it something sexual. It's why even though I love Dean/Cas, I'll always see Dean's bond to Sam as more important. Because it's a core part of him.

Now family isn't about blood, as the Winchesters can tell you.

Take the family unit of Spike-Dawn,Buffy-Giles or Buffy-Xander. If you water those bonds down by making them romantic, then they lessen in importance, they become less than they are and they become replaceable. And I love those family connections too much to do that to them, or want to read about them that way.

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Comments
ficwriter1966 From: ficwriter1966 Date: February 12th, 2012 08:41 am (UTC) (Link)
That's very well said, and I agree with you completely.

As far as your experience with friends - you are not alone. I've had exactly the same experience. I do have a couple of friends I've known for many years, but they are not at all of the "best friends forever" type, the ones who are like sisters of the heart. They're just people I've known for a long time.

Family, though, is ALWAYS there.
just_ruth From: just_ruth Date: February 12th, 2012 09:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes, that's exactly the way I feel.
jennygeee From: jennygeee Date: February 12th, 2012 06:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I totally agree with you about wincest, I never read it as I don't want to soil Dean and Sam's relationship, they are brothers and that is more important than anything.
ferrous_wheeler From: ferrous_wheeler Date: February 12th, 2012 08:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm the same way with friends. Once I'm in a situation where I don't see them all the time things just fizzle. Family you can always depend on.
I agree with you on the wincest as it can overshadow the family relationship - actually I feel the same way about most ofc's (when it's romantic) as they can also do essentially the same thing.
frelling_tralk From: frelling_tralk Date: February 15th, 2012 01:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm the same way when it comes to making friends, this might sound silly but I brought a new phone recently and was kind of sad at things like the messenging option because I don't really have any friends to talk with, and it feels like every other adult has crowds of friends that they are constantly texting and so on

Everyone seems to meet friends at work I guess, and I do get on with people at work, but it's not like I'm calling them out of work and consider them close friends


I always have the feeling that I'm forcing my presence on them...I don't want to be the annoying clingy person that refuses to let go)

That totally sums me up as well, I would feel so awkward to suddenly invite someone to do something outside of work as a friend because why assume that person would even want to be friends with me. I did have some friends at school (lost touch with since) and they used to complain that I was so terrified of imposing myself on them that it went too far in the other direction and they got annoyed with always being the ones to make plans to meet up

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