Title: Undiluted Truths
Rating PG15 slash
Pairing: Spike/Lorne mostly
Love's a silly thing. Humans, vampires, demons… they all run after it. Seek it like it's some long lost treasure that will solve all their problems if they can only find it. Not that Pyleans are entirely immune to it, but still, it's not like with humans. Thank you, my silly boy. I know, you think you're in love with me, but you're wrong. You like being with me, you like tasting me, you probably even enjoyed kissing me, but you're not in love. I know, I heard you sing remember. Don’t worry crumpet; you’re true love will come one day. And when he does, you’ll know exactly why this is just a game.
Not that I’m saying that games are bad, or that they lack importance, never that. Sometimes the best friendships come out of games like these. Getting to know one another, touching the other with a kiss till the colour of a man’s skin no longer matters because you know that underneath the scales, or underneath the soft rosy skin, is just a person with feelings and emotions.
No thank you, I’d rather not. I’m trying to stop drinking you see. Sooner or later you reach a point where you realize that you spend more time staring in a glass than looking in another’s eyes and you just know, you have to stop before you fall into the bottle and never find your way out again.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean. Ah you do understand. Yes AA does seem to help. I tried it once, but for some reason people kept staring at me. If it weren’t for a friend I met there, I don’t think I would have even considered giving it a second try.
Yes, my friend was another demon. Oh don’t worry, it’s not like there’s some politically correct way to say demon. Non human American sounds so… human-centric.
He was … interesting, kinda like you in that respect. Alone, lost. I’d met him about a year before that, but for some reason, either because I avoided him, or he avoided me, I never really got to know him. So seeing him at that AA meeting was somewhat of a surprise; for the both of us.
I’d distanced myself from everyone he knew and he’d seen most of them die. I didn’t know what to say. If the meeting had started even a second later, I probably would have left without saying a word.
Instead I had to say some of the hardest words I’d ever had to get out of my lips and that includes the words to any song by Diane Warren, except maybe rhythm of the night. God that…
Oh yes, those words. “My name is Lorne and I’m an alcoholic” I don’t think I’ve ever done anything more difficult. I sat down from that, almost out of breath, just from the effort of admitting it, only to find out that he was sitting next to me. He didn’t get up of course. Turns out he’d been a member for about two weeks and he’d fallen off the wagon twice already. Not that that kept him from trying again. God that boy is stubborn.
Stupid thing is, I hadn’t seen him as he taken place next to me, too focussed on getting those words out. I probably would have tried to avoid him if he hadn’t. I’d left those people, decided I never wanted to see them ever again and there he was, flaunting his survival in my face and forcing me to remember how I’d abandoned them all.
Not that I’d ever let him hear me say that. He’d call me a stupid arsebugger if I did. He did actually, first time I tried to apologize. Said that I did the right thing. I did my job and I got to safety, that it had been the right thing to do. And that just because him and Gunn had been too stupid to get out when they still could due to some silly loyalty to a vampire who didn’t know when to get out, that that didn’t mean they shouldn’t have.
He’s a good man, for a vampire.
Never treated me different for the colour of my skin. He’d be such a little Pollyanna all the time, while playacting the role of the cynic. Worst actor I’ve ever seen in my life, and take this from someone who used to handle an entertainment division… I’ve seen some horrifying ones.
I still have nightmares of Freddie Prinze Jr auditioning for a role in King Kong with some lines from the merchant of Venice. God the way he mangled that…I need a drink just thinking about it.
So yes, my friend can’t act worth a shit. He can play with half truths, but lie to your face… not even remotely. His girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend had gotten him to join. Told him not to even think of showing his face, before he’d crawled out of the bottle that had become his best friend ever since his friends died.
Now now, no need to choke. Yes, his name was Spike, you know of him?
Ah, you’re from Sunnydale. I could have guessed. Most humans don’t deal so well with the green skin. A pity what happened to that place.
Anyway, we ended up talking, going out for a drink together. I ordered a tonic without the gin, he ordered some pigsblood. And we managed to get all through the night. Oddly enough, I was the one that did most of the talking. Oh yes, I talk a lot, but see, usually I’m the one helping others with their problems. They ask me to read them, they sing for me and it’s all about them, them, their problems, their faults, their destinies. For most people I seem to be some kind of fortune cookie machine, ready to print out the solutions to their every life problem. But not to him, he let me talk, listened to my problems. It took me an hour before I realized he hadn’t said more than ten words about himself all night.
It was hard in AA, being the only two demons. Most of the others would have thought we were insane, if we’d told them the truth. So instead he was the dark silent punk with bleach blond hair and I was the entertainer too eccentric to take off his make up.
Then one day, he didn’t show up and I missed him. I’d spent every day, hoping he’d stay away and when he finally did, I went right up to his place to find out what had happened to him. I found him lying on the couch, as full of alcohol as a newly stocked bar.
And he was singing.
I’d never heard him sing you see. Odd thing, like I said, he’d been avoiding me, while I was avoiding him and then afterwards I’d just been happy to for once have someone around that didn’t want me to read them. Oh don’t worry pumpkin, I don’t mind. It was just nice to have someone that became my friend without needing something from me. Nice change of pace.
His voice was decent enough. Not Aretha material, but better than most. But it was what was behind the voice that nearly shattered me. The pain, the grief…. It had been a month since his friends died. Since our friends died and I hadn’t even thought about it. His grandsire had been the first to go you see.
Oh I know, vampires supposedly don’t care, but this one did. Soul, demon, his heart was broken in a million pieces and all of them yearning for his family. So alone, so lost. That’s when I took him to his bathroom and cleaned him up. Little drummer boy, begging for his sire to just come back to him. I'd never before seen so much emotions in one single being. Love, heartbreak, pain, guilt.
He saved your eye you say? The second one? That's quite something. He saved a friend of mine once. Fred, one of the nicest persons I've ever known. He gave up his chance at being solid for her.
Oh he was a ghost for a few months, till someone decided they had use of him. Don’t know if I should have thanked them for that, or spat in their faces. Oh not the making him solid, the using him. It’s hard being the second one. The little brother, the one that people don’t notice, cause really you don’t need more than one big hero.
And worst of all, he believed it. Believed that Angel was the special one, because no one ever bothered to tell him otherwise. The only one that ever did was Lindsey, and he was a fraud. Knowing that now, makes me wish I could have killed him more slowly than I did.
Spike asked me to stay. He was too drunk to really know what he was doing, but I was lonely and whatever else Spike might be, he’s one hot little vampire. So when I looked in his eyes and he asked me to share his bed with him; I said yes. I probably should have backed out when I realized he had a single bed.
Sort of like us, two friends needing to be held and ending up in bed together because we both needed an excuse to be touched. I wouldn’t have taken it any further though. I’m not one to force myself on an unwilling partner. But he kissed me and you know how it goes on that road paved with the best intentions…
When we woke up in the morning, he had a hangover. I needed a comb and my toothbrush. No regrets though, from either of us.
Oh he’s coming over tomorrow, you could meet him then. And you know Xander… I think he’d be happy to see you too.