I know what it is to want something and not to get it.
I know what it is to be knocked down and have to get back up
ON. YOUR. OWN.
I know what it is to feel like your accomplishments aren't valued or perhaps seen by others. I know what it's like to have a crush on someone and that someone not give a damn about your feelings.
I know what it's like to pretend to be "okay" with something when inside you're hurting but it's better to pretend that you don't care than to show your heart to a friend/lover who would use it against you.
I know what it's like to be lost.
I know what it's like to pretend you're tougher than you are.
Spike I can empathize with. Spike is emotionally accessible to me.
He may be a vampire, but he's more human than any other char on the show.
I am Spike."
I wanted to start with that quote that Shipperxphile wrote on BAPS a while ago. I changed it a bit since she's a bit more anti-Buffy than I am, but the rest of it still holds.
I love Spike, because he's us. He's the regular guy caught in the fantasy and pretending to be tough enough to live it. He's the kid that was bullied and pretends he doesn't care anymore. He's the little boy that every mom wants to wrap in a blanket and cuddle and make him feel better.
He's also this cool tough guy, but that's just a costume, an image that he's worn for so long that it has become part of him. The way it tends to do.
Spike can be mean and cruel and harsh, but he's also this soft loving guy who has to stop himself from caring cause his heart's been broken a time too many.
He's loyal, honest, caring and he can be the biggest jerk around just to piss you off*g*
He lives in the now, in the moment, in the emotion, ...
And he changes, he learns, he becomes, not because of destiny, or because someone picked him out and told him he's important. He has to struggle for every crumb he gets and no matter how many times you beat him down, he keeps getting back up.
He loves life more than any other character on Buffy, he wallows in it, finds glee in the most wrong thing and breaks every rule when he feels like it, because in reality he'd love to stick to the rules and his image prevents him from admitting that.
I loved him from that moment in Intervention, where he looks in the face of a God and tells her to get lost, well not that, but something along that meaning. I love him for that defiance to unbeatable odds, his heroisme in the little things.
The bravery to love beyond what anything would expect from him.
The guts to look at a slayer and worship her, while knowing every single one of her faults and loving her for each and every single one of them.
In short, I love Spike, because he's us, and he shows us what we can be, what we could accomplish and that it doesn't matter that noone respects us, that noone will ever give us what we deserve, what's important is that you try, that you do what you can and create your own fate.
I love Spike cause he's glorious. He's glorious in his defiance and he's glorious in his submission. And he's even more so because he's not above us, he's one of us, he's us. The very best and the very worst of us and he dares to reach for the skies, when all he is given is dirt...